I found myself staring at him as he napped on the couch. Turning down the tv anytime he was in the room so that I wouldn't miss a single word that he decided to say. Watching him as he & his brother acted out funny stories of their lives as devil dogs. Revisiting all the subtle facial expressions of this young man that I've grown to recognize & seen grow with him every since he really was my little boy. I really didn't want to miss a thing. And we were so blessed that Matthew got to come home for Christmas too. Our whole family together for the first time in 10 months was such a blessing. To see my 3 children teasing & wrestling with each other was without a doubt all the Christmas present that my husband & I needed. Our hearts were full, our cups overflowing.
Then the time came. We had taken Matt to the airport a few days earlier. Not completely earth shattering for me because I knew he was headed back to sunny California...a place he has grown to love. I know the hardest part of his departure for him was the realization that his little brother would be taking off for "country" soon, & they may not see each other for quite some time. The boys are always "tough", but Momma can tell that this is a bit of weight for both of them. Now, we were at the airport for the third time this week (inside story)and about to walk away from our middle child (by 2 minutes) knowing where his Marine destiny was about to take him. I tried to keep the emotions that were welling up inside me under control. The last thing I wanted for him was to walk away from us knowing that I was so upset, thus upsetting him more, thus upsetting me more...a vicious circle! I saw him stiffen up a bit to shield himself from the hurt that I couldn't disguise. He & his brother are tough guys. And their toughness has served them well, & will continue to do so through the difficult times ahead of them. I used what little energy I had to suck it up as much as I could...for his sake. Then we didn't take our eyes off him as he walked to get in line at the security gate. We watched him empty his pockets, take his shoes off & his belt. Go through the scanner without a hitch. Put everything back in his pockets. Put his shoes & belt back on, & turn the corner toward the next chapter of his destiny as a United States Marine.
I'm not ashamed to say that the remainder of my day consisted entirely of pulling the cover that he had used while he was home up over my head, on the couch he had napped on. I was exhausted. Pinned up emotions will do that to you. They demand a greater supply of energy that I just didn't have to give. All I knew was that my son would soon be across the globe from his home. It was so much scarier watching him walk away this time. There is just so much unrest where he's headed. A entirely different world than the one that we are blessed to live in. I decided to give myself one day for a pity party...I thought I'd earned it.
Now it's time to dig deep in the faith that my life is rooted in. Where the promise of my God tells me that all things are possible through Christ who gives me my strength...and my children their strength as well. The God that may take us through the fire, but not without refining us into the diamonds He knows we can be. I pray every single day for each of my children. And I choose to believe that God has his arms around them, keeping them safe like only He can.
Today, I received a post on my Facebook from one of Luke's Marine brothers (now my adopted son). It read: dear mama stauber lol i just want you to no ol luke boy is ok!!they teach us how to be safe and to keep everybody else safe also.....he has a good head on his shoulders and will come home to you safe...........getting more tats hahaha lots of love.....puckett It made me smile. Thanks Puckett...Momma Stauber loves you too.
Good To Go,
Proud Marine Momma x2
